Of Being Alone with The Protector

So today, I’m feeling kind of sad and lonely. It might be due to several factors:

  1. I just got my period today. It’s earlier than usual so it is kind of unexpected. So I feel sad because I cannot perform solat and read the Quran.
  2. I am staying alone tonight as my husband is having his oncall.

Anyway, what’s with this feelings of negativity? This isn’t like me. I am this introvert who loves cooping up at home (in my room, to be specific), someone who cherishes isolation and my own ‘me time’. I mean, I don’t mind going to shopping malls alone or having lunch or dinner all by myself. I don’t even mind eating alone in the pantry at my workplace. I am so comfortable being by myself.

But it’s different today. I suddenly feel scared and vulnerable. The overthinker me keeps on imagining all sorts of scenarios, naudzubillahiminzalik.

But I try not to indulge this feelings of fear, melancholy, hopelessness (probably due to hormones) by reciting the al-Mathurat and doing lots of dhikr. It’s the least I could do when I’m in my menses. And when I completed the dhikr and al-Mathurat, I feel calm and better, Alhamdulillah!

Which made me later realize that it doesn’t matter whether I’m alone or with my husband, I have Allah as my ultimate protector! He is the al-Muhaimin (The Protector). Frankly, I don’t really depend on my husband to protect me, he doesn’t know any martial arts, LOL. My husband merely serves as a human companion to me. But the ultimate protector and friend, even when I’m alone, is Allah swt. I have Allah and I have the utmost confidence that he will keep me safe not just tonight, but any other nights, and days. He will keep me safe and will protect me against harms wherever I am. I should trust Him and have faith in Him.

Also, I read somewhere that the time when you’re alone is actually the ‘Me Time’ between you and Allah. So when you’re alone, it’s best not to read or watch any horror stories/movies, LOL. Just calm down, take a deep breath and just slowly feel the presence of Allah watching you, of Him protecting you, of His love and mercy permeating through you. Subhanallah, you will feel better. You’re not really alone, after all. You have Allah with you.

When you’re alone, it is also the time for you to do things you had always wanted to do because you have all the time in the world, without anyone interrupting you. For example, pick up a book and read; fictions or non-fictions alike, write (like what I’m doing now), read the Quran translation, journaling, Quran journaling, or even catching up on the online classes you had missed (or even register for online classes) Which reminds me, I have to catch up on the classes on ‘Tafsir al-Fatihah’ at AA Plus!

I feel better now, Alhamdulillah.

I tell myself that I will try to write and post a blog entry consistently, at least once a week. As you can see, this is the first time I had posted on this website in months!

It’s quite amusing, because had it not been for me feeling melancholy and alone, I would not have written this post and I would not have posted it to this website. This is Allah guiding me to start writing again, to get out from such a long hiatus. I love to link everything that happened back to Allah, because nothing happens without reasons.

I will try to write once a week. I couldn’t write as beautifully as Yasmin Mogahed, Aida Azlin, Sarina Iskandar and other masya-Allah ladies that I admire, but at least, to be able to write consistently is a good enough effort. It’s a good practice too. And I vow to write only good things that will make the readers feel good and inspired, insya Allah.

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