It was almost 7pm, and I was ironing my work clothes for tomorrow, and I looked outside the window, seeing the sun setting on the horizon beyond.
I recalled my younger days, when I was still a school student, a university student, when I would feel sad whenever the dusk is approaching. The Malays would say it as ‘Rasa macam sayu je,’. This feeling of melancholy, maybe?
This usually happened at the end of the weekend, whereby a brand new week would commence the next day. To me as a school student, it meant another week of schooling, homework, tuition classes and studying. To me as a university student, I just felt sad thinking of being away from my family. Random emotions mixed together, as I couldn’t quite place it why I felt sad.
In my early to mid twenties (sometimes even until late twenties), I was always feeling anxious, always crying for no reason, I felt lonely cooping up in my small rented room in Gua Musang while my family is hundreds of miles away in Kedah. I might look confident on the outside, but secretly, I do have a low self esteem, always comparing myself with other people, and chastising myself, wondering why am I not the people that I envied and admired. I was easily stressed out, I think too much about people’s opinions of me, I was always trying my best to create a positive perception of people towards me. Like, Sarah is brilliant, Sarah is diligent, Sarah is this and that.
I didn’t realize that my state of emotions was depending on what people think about me, rather than what Allah thinks of me.
Anyway, back to the Sunset story. I was feeling rather amazed and delighted upon realizing that I do not have that feeling of melancholy anymore whenever the dusk is approaching, signaling the end of the day. How did this change? I wondered.
When ironing my clothes, I did some reflections. I don’t feel sad anymore when another day had passed. The passing of a day denotes that a brand new day is approaching. A day that is bound to be filled with rezeki, barakah and opportunities!
A day where once again, I am given the chance to fulfill my purpose on this Earth, which is to Worship Allah. To be his Servant. To submit myself to Him.
You see, when we start having negative thoughts, anxiety, comparing and complaining (like what I used to frequently do before), it actually indicates that our hearts are filled with this hole. This big gaping hole. Sometimes we feel lost, we don’t know what is our next step in life. This hole is getting bigger and bigger. We need something to fill this big hole.
And so, we did it through shopping, entertainment. Watching hours of Netflix. But do we actually feel better? I don’t. I would regret spending my money for impulsive purchases and I really feel that I am wasting my time spending my day watching Netflix.
What should we feel our hearts with? How can we overcome this feeling of lost?
You see, we were created by Allah to worship Him. We were sent into this world to be His Vicegerents on Earth. If we are not fulfilling this purpose, we would definitely feel lost.
We are not sent into this world to watch episodes of Korean Dramas or whatnots. Or to become millionaires (though this is not a bad thing- one of the side purposes maybe).
Our real, primary purpose and aim in life is to Worship Allah. Other than the compulsory ibadahs like praying and fasting, our whole life should revolve around worshipping Allah. When we are working, for example, we should make it as our intention that we are doing it because of Allah. When we treat other people with kindess, and offering smiles and support to people who need them, we are doing it because of Allah.
And when we really live up to this purpose, when we fill our lives towards remembrance and worship towards Allah, the heart that is originally created to only be filled with the love of Allah will become full. The hole is no longer there, it is full with Allah’s mercy. Thus, we will no longer feel as though something is missing in out lives, we will not feel lost, because we are already doing what we are supposed to do when we were sent on this Earth- to worship Allah.
You see, the reason why someone feels empty even though he has wealth, fame, even beautiful spouse and children with him, is because the heart is rejecting any other things. The heart only wants Allah. Your are seeking to fill the emptiness in your heart with other material things, even love from people, but you heart only yearns for its creator, which is Allah.
Fill your heart with only Allah. With the remembrance of Allah.
Remember your true purpose on this Earth. You are created to worship Allah. And when you finally realized of this mission, then everything will make sense. Like how Allah stated in the Quran that the reasons why He put you into this world is to test which one of you is the best in deeds, then you will realize that all the trials and tribulations that you are facing have no other purposes but to make you return to Allah.
Fill your heart with Allah, and nothing else. Your heart will become peaceful for it has attains what it truly desires.